After working 81 hours in a single week what have we learned??? hmm... while it is possible to do just that (work a lot), productively even, and while God - being as amazing as he is - can get you through it with minor injuries like constant headaches from lack of sleep and something notably wrong with my right eye... working this much has suddenly shown me that value of life for when one is not working... I miss when relaxing wasn't the equivalent of passing out in bed... when I didn't have to feel guilty about leaving on time because I was just extra help not a life-line... when I had time to hang out with my family and time to sleep instead of half-heartedly hanging out with my family while my brain turns to mush... soo what should you know? I beg of you to enjoy your summer if not for your sake then for mine... for goodness sake... someone should enjoy school break...

Ironincally enough these song lyrics keep getting stuck in my head...

"Being grown-up isn't half as good as growing up, these are the best days of our lives..."

God... I hope that's not true... the future is what I strive for...

All I have to say is that completing a college education had better be worth all it's cracked up to be...

How is it that everytime I come home she seems to be a completely different person??

I believe I am far too easily confused...

My sister is a brunette - hello puberty...

I can remember so many times this past semester when I just wanted out... enough with this college - classes I don't understand, questionably relationships... but... last night a few of us quickly flipped through pictures from this past year, and I looked through Jen's farewell album... and today I went to Senior Chapel - bad move... and I'm not even close to any of them! But it got me thinking about how short our stay here really is... I mean at times it may seem like we are here for an eternity, but this year has gone by soo quickly, and for the majority of us, well we're already halfway through...

I guess that I say all this to say, that even though I love change, there are many things that I'll miss over the summer... like being able to find my closest friends within the length of a hallway, random oreo parties, collecting prayers from everyone in the dorm, being asked all the dates of when building were built at houghton (ok... maybe I won't miss that...), "conversations" with Jenna, tutoring crazy highschool boys. And then, there are those things that will never be the same - looking out my window to see sunbathers and the beautiful creek, hearing laughter and music explode from Lauren and Ashley next store, finding (and saving!) a mouse in our room... or listening to how Allison killed her mouse (tear*), running across the hall to do laundry, or hearing Sarah/ Ashley sing mid-afternoon...

Yes... there are a lot of things to miss - but i suppose there's a lot to look forward to also... each day and each move seems like this step closer to independence, even though you often want to turn around and run back into the safety of someone's arms... I suppose, that's why if you have to grow up - it's best to do it with friends... so, thanks for being there whether I've known you for two years, a year or two weeks - trust that your smile, your laughter, your randomness... have all combined to make my world a little brighter... good luck on your finals... and I look forward to seeing you in the future...

I'm truly sorry if I'm being the most supportive or friendly person lately... it's been a rough week...

Monday: I got a scholarship... but found out that it wasn't enough to make it possible for me to go to Australia... thus, I can't go.

Tuesday: I expressed this fact with a number of people... particularly my advisor who made an attempt to hide his disappointment, but failed miserably... it forced me to wonder... which was worse - not being able to go, or causing others disappointment... it's pretty close... I also came deadly close to falling asleep in one of my classes - something that is extremely atypical and is, thus, a major reflection of my exhaustion...

Tuesday night: I got an e-mail from the head of the Thailand program... remember the Vietnam trip I was so excited about? The cost is double what I expected, and the trip starts two weeks after my semester is over. Thus, I would have to either fly back home and back (more $) or chill in Thailand/Vietnam for a few weeks by myself... needless to say my parents aren't happy... and now that chances of me being able to go are miniscule...

Wednesday: I am now fully aware of my feminity, as if things weren't stressful enough... I got a HW back in discrete, and quite frankly the greatest quote I have from that was from Melissa as she tried to cheer me up "at least it's almost 50 percent!" What's worse is that as my partner and I were looking it over... we essentially made the stupidest mistakes known to man... due to my body not being able to function properly - I keep crying sporadically in classes, but am somehow able to keep my voice clear, so as long as I sit in the back no one notices... I checked my mail today to find out that I made the "waiting list" as an FYI leader - the irony in that is that they asked me to apply...

Friday couldn't feel farther away... honestly the only good thing that has happened since Monday is that Matt took the tour for today (before he had taken it, I was about to give in and take it) I hate pretending to be happy when I feel like falling apart...

and... what's more is that I know it can easily get worse... and I fear the possiblities of what could come next...

Today's fortune cookie: you have the strength to overcome obstacles...

My mom's advice for the day: "We are praying for you and trust that God will give you the rest you need, but you have to do your part and not over do it!!"

All right God, it's you and me...

For now... I guess I should just focus on my papers...

I feel on top of the world!!!!

You know what?? I just had a sudden thought... if you were to read my xanga entries in consecutive order I could probably qualitfy as schitzo... but then, you know the truth... :P

so anyhow, It is absolutely gorgeous out - which is really funny to say when as I look up all I see are clouds - but the temp is perfect... the the breeze is just the right temp and just strong enough to make you feel like you''re flying... truly amazing...

I stopped briefly in the art gallery today - if you live at Houghton I strongly recommend it! - but almost as quickly as I walked in, I realized that I would have to leave an come back another time, because this exhibit requires time... It is essentially the life of the featured artist, with a writer's commentary which helps to keep the thoughts flowing...

It''s funny because in the few minutes that I was in there, I felt as though I was traveling backwards - back into this world that left behind a year ago... and, I must admit there is a  hint of sorrow and maybe even remorse clinging in there... but I suppose that's ok, because as long as there are at least a few who have continued with art, I will always have someone to admire and enjoy...

hmm... maybe I'll go back tonight...